Do i deserve better?

I woke up this morning and at some point the thought had entered my head about the cake mick got me for my birthday. I am pissed off about this. I put in time and effort into getting his cake for his birthday and only because i mentioned something about never having gotten a cake a few months ago he decides he'll get me one. I ordered his cake nearly a week before hand, and got happy birthday mick written on it, and it happened to be quite a nice cake.

But he decided i wasn't worth the bother, and just went and bought one from dunnes the evening of my birthday just before i came home. And if he'd bothered to read the ingredients he might have noticed there was something in it that i don't like. But he didn't. either that or he doesn't know that i don't like it. Now maybe if the cake had actually turned out to be nice i wouldn't feel so pissed off about the whole thing, but then maybe not.

I put in significantly more effort than he did. Why should i go to that much bother, well thought moreso and he just go off and buy one, that i'm not going to like, probably at the last minute, cos he forgot before.

And christmas, we said we wouldn't bother with gifts, well i did of course, not that i think he'd bothered much at that point anyway, but i said we'd work on it after christmas. But he never gave it a second thought i'm sure. I'm always thinking of things he'd like, and he never even thought about that again. Well i don't have a gift anyway.... not that it's about the present. As is the cake.

It's about the thought. And the point is he doesn't put any effort into things. When i'm out and about i see things in shop windows and i always place him with it, like i know if he'd like something or not (well maybe not for sure but at least i think of him). But I never get the impression he thinks about me. because if he did wouldn't i surely have gotten something for christmas or my birthday...? But he probably said to himself well she said we weren't going to get presents so i better not bother even thinking about it, ever again. I don't get why it's such a big deal to just pay attention to these kinds of things.

This whole thing is about me feeling like i always put more effort into things. And i'm not living with that. It matters to me that you think about me, and that when you see some things they make you think about me. whether i'd like it or i wouldn't. I just never feel like anything comes from him. if he knows me for my next birthday he'll probably go off and order a big chocolate cake. probably. but he doesn't get that it's not the point. it's too late doing it after i've pointed it out that you didn't do it. It's that fact that he puts no thought into me that he doesn't have to. I've spent the last three years struggling to teach you everything that you actually know now. It's just not possible to teach you how to treat me better when you just don't want to. If you wanted to treat me better you would there wouldn't be any of this teaching shit. you should just know how to treat someone you supposedly care about. you should just know